She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
