I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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