No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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