I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize