I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
