update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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