Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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