god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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