i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
