He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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