So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
