it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
