no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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