why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
