He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
