Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
