I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
