i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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