The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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