I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
