The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
