Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
