Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
