Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize