Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
