Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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