Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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