I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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