Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
