just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
