I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
