At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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