When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
