thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
