that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
