Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
