So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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