I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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