just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
