dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How does one acquire holy water?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
