She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's always time for handjobs
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
