there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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