he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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