Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
