She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
