i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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