Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
