Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
