So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
