she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
