Don't make out with my wife yet
this beer tastes like vomit already
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
