I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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