I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
