I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
