Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
now i know why i became what i already was.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
