I will die if light touches me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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