that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
