I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
