I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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