Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this will be a night to untag.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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