Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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