So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
