WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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