I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
