They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
