I hate your face
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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