God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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