she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
