the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
