If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
