Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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