Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
