i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
