my mouth tastes like poor choices
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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