Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
