no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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