I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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