I never want to see another naked old woman again.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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