If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
