my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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