This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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