Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
