ugly people sure do ruin things
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize